我是失败者

最近"对不起"这三个字一直挂在我嘴边,对他说了无数的"对不起"...我,是个失败者. 对他,我的家人,我的朋友,我的学业,我始终还是个失败者.面对他,我真的不懂怎么控制好我自己的情绪,
我常答应他的事,到现在我还是办不到.因为我的话,伤了他的心,我知道他不怪我,不过我知道他的心一定很不好受.对不起!除了"对不起",还是"对不起""..对不起,因为我,让你很难过,因为我,让你累了!
我该怎样???就连我自己都不晓得该如何去改变,我真不懂该如何去面对他.我只能说,我是一个彻底的失败者!!!

2 oct 2009

happy birthday to my dear...

1 oct 2009

same as usually i wake at 7.30 today ,then waiting him to fetch me go to find johan and tim and ask for help. today is cw due date,until now my report still not yet finish.i was worried about it...after fetch johan and tim we went to mr.pot and continue our cw at there. Then around 1pm we went for our class, luckily pn rosmah know that we all rushing our cw at that moment and she had decided to let us do our cw cos she know we wont concentrate if she having class. Until 5pm, i still left 2 sections of the report not yet complete. So,we had decided go to johan's working place and continue our report. me,him,tim,jun and bear also at there...until 9pm,johan was close the shop,at that moment we had completed our report yet me,him and jun still not yet upload our cw to the uk site. So, we went to johan's hostel and upload the cw. When we upload, suddenly it said server not found, i was started nervous ...and we called ms koo if the server is down then we cant upload the cw then what can we do,she asked us to call ms joanne. but luckily...after few mins our cw was successfully upload. already 10.20pm,then me,him,johan and tim went to food court opposite pcghs there having our dinner. After dinner he drop them bk to their hostel then dropped me. I reach home at 11.20, and he need to take abt 30 mins to reach home..so i was wish he can reach b4 12 bcos tonight after 12am is his birthday....luckily i still can wish him on time...happy birthday dear! last, i want to thank ms koo,johan,tim and him that helping me a lot in my cw.thanks you all!!!

30 Sept 2009

今天一早，我和他去了mcd继续做cw，下午就去上课了。。老师今天没上课，就帮我们检查我们的cw。。。看见他那么努力地问老师，一来我也很开心，因为我感觉到他是会紧张他的cw的，二来我觉得很压力，因为到了今天我还是对cw没有太深入的了解。他问完后，我就立刻去问老师，老师说她没idea怎样帮我改，因为怕改了后，我和他的会是很像，担心marker 改了后说我们俩是copy对方的。那时的我，压力又增了。。。问完后，我，他，johan,tim 一起去吃晚餐了。回到家，一直在想report该怎么写，想着想着，越想就越压力。。。哭了。。一直想不开。。幸亏那时有君和他劝我，给我鼓励，我才振作起来。谢谢你们！过后就继续开工直到深夜两点，终于顶不住了，就去睡了。

压力

很久都没更新了，最近变得很懒惰，无论什么事都一样。。。这几天无论做什么事，心里总是‘闷闷’的，感觉很压力。。。在家人，他，朋友面前，我只能掩饰我闷闷的心情。离coursework要交的时间就只剩三天，我又没头绪该怎么做，到了今天我还没完成，那股压力直压着我，无法呼吸，就连睡都睡不好。。。我知道不只是我有压力，他也一样。。他说不知道该怎样做，就选择了逃避，一天一天地过去了，我一直都在担心他到底能不能完成。我的压力又增了一倍，很辛苦。。昨晚跟他谈了后，他说他会做，到了现在还是没醒。。。难道他就想一直逃避吗？？？我真的很想做我的事，不想要再去理他，但。。。我知道我帮不了他，唯有能做的就是一直催他要做coursework，给他鼓励。其实我真的很想改变他，改变他的生活，很想骂醒他。。不过我还是没做到。。。感觉到很累。。。很累。。。希望可以快点完成我的coursework，让我好好地休息一下。

1st of august

Was few weeks for skipped the update on my blog.
due to i lazy to update...
a raining day today,so sweet to stay at home...nothing to write actually,but nothing to do now so decide to update my blog.haha...
this few weeks really very happy,i glad to meet my classmate,they are fun, especially with him...every week they will plan some activity when the day we din have class. i quite enjoy my college life now, finally 'happiness' is come back to me...i will appreciate what i have now.

8 of july

2day is the 2nd day for my class, already recognise all my classmate, they all r fun...all r good! luckily having them,if not my college will be so boring...2day after class ,we went to ate our lunch at the segi area...1st time went there, the noodles ...erm ...the taste is ok only... i think i prefer eat at segi cafe. after finish our lunch, we went to lab to discuss our tutorial, is not easy to study degree...stressful at all!!! sigh....finally finish our discussion, is time to back...but my dad told me he will be late,luckily Song Keat said he do to fetch me...haha...this funny guy quite cute,and fun too...anyway,thanks for fetch me back! chow for now...

等待的一天

今天一整天都在等，不知道为何要等，也不知道为了什么而等。。。一直盲目地等，反正就是想继续等到就是了。。。很失望的是，从早上等到现在还是等不到。。。究竟是发生了什么事，我也不懂。。。心一直在慌，很乱。。今天感觉到等待是一种很累的事，虽然有时会觉得透不过气来，不过我还是坚持地等，因为我不想让我自己再次觉得遗憾。

明天终于开学了，感觉没什么好兴奋的，只觉得没有了君他们，去上课好像没什么意义似的。真的很想念和他们一起上课的日子。。。希望今天以后的我可以好好地专注我的学业，不再让自己胡思乱想，就让一切都顺其自然。

美丽的天使

刚刚上youtube 听歌时，无意间看到许玮伦车祸的新闻。还记得两年前的一月二十八日在娱乐头条看见了许玮伦车祸抢救不治的新闻，当时的我真的很惊讶，很难过也很难接受。。。没想到老天难么快就把美丽的天使给带走了，真叫人遗憾。。。虽然之前没特别地去留意许玮伦的新闻，不过每当在报纸上看见她的新闻，总是让我有种感觉，那种感觉就像一种。。。唔。。。很亲切的感觉似的。现在玮伦已成为了我的回忆，而这个回忆永远都存在。祝福她。。。

20 JUNE 2009

yesterday my best fren mc was back from singapore, but sadly she only back to celebrate father's day with her daddy and she will back singapore tonight. 昨日一别，不知何时才能相聚。i know this few words very 'lou tou' but that's true..sigh.....besides that,li told me that she get U at terengganu, and she had decided to go there. no doubt for me to advise her to stay at penang anymore once she had make the decision. i felt very sad recently all my frens are going to leave me soon, although i know that they are going to study and will back on holiday....however, there are a distance 2 us...sigh ...i guess i will miss them crazy.

yesterday me,li accompany pik went to sentral college to ask for the education course,then we planned to find mc and have our lunch there. after that we went to mc's house, i think i have been a period of time didn't go there. we help li to wrote down the things she wants to bring and buy to terengganu, and asked ling fetch us go sunshine farlim. ling drove like crazy, 1st time seat her car and we all scream like carzy. i tell to myself, i wont seat her car anymore coz i not yet buy insurance...lolz....

3 hours ago, finally we had finished bought our thing...wuhh..tired...we spent a lot at there...
:( after that we decided to go our dinner . when having our dinner, i saw all of them having their own problem which is related to their studies,yet me too...and i told them that i miss the time at secondary school, during that time,we all like siao kia, never think so much, never to face the studies problem, never ever so depressed...i miss the moment definitely and i wish to go back to that moment.. however, we had grew up, and we all know we need to face a lot of problem in future , and this is the time to let us plan and learn to face it. lastly,i hope all of them and me can manage it and make a right correct decision.

guys, no wonder how far we are, i believe our relationship will not change, i miss u all.

我想说的话

看了君的博客后，有些话很想说。。我能了解一个人独自在外面自己生活，所有东西都须自己独立撑。有时撑得很辛苦，想找个人诉苦都没有。。。这种感觉真的不好受。君说得没错，一个坚强，独立的人往往都会比普通人更加辛苦。

我承认我不是一个独立形的人，所以我为我自己做出一个对的决定，无论怎样我都不会后悔。如果一个人对自己的决定而后悔，那我可以很确定的告诉他人，在不久以后他/她肯定会放弃自己所做的选择，自己的前途。

身为你的好友，我能做的事情就是借我一双耳朵，好好地聆听你的酸，甜，苦，乐。。。虽然现在我们生活在不同的地方，不过每天只要花那短短的几分钟，我们就能知道彼此的事情，跟了解彼此的生活。我很清楚现在的社会很难会找到知己，很难会找到对自己真心真意的好朋友，不过在我的人生里，我找到了，我很开心我也很珍惜。。。虽然有时你们有问题我帮不上忙，不过当你们想找人谈时，我永远都是那个随时都可借出我的一双耳朵的朋友。

你们要坚强！！！要记得，‘先苦后甜’这四个字，那么你们就会活得更好。

night at the musuem II

kahmunrah

Night at the Museum 2!!!

I've been waiting for this movie for so long!!!

yesterday i went for this movie,

the movie it it was like AWSOME

especially when those little romans and

cowbows jumped on the harrier jump jet models

and had a little attack run,

i love it.

The movie was damn hilarious.

You guys should watch it!

四大天王

the 3rd resemble to jay,i love it

continue

birthday cake

three of us

we are going to seperate soon,miss u guys so much...

hope when free we can meet again,

keep in touch.

5 MAY 2009

this tuesday,after jun finished her last exam paper then she called me and we went to red box..unexpected they were gimme a big suprise...btw,i very happy and thanks for them which gimme a nice day bcos i never think this year birthday i can pass with my frens and receive some lovely present too...so touch..thanks,guys...

2 years ago,i pass my birthday in NS camp,sure u all will think i am very pityful right?but u're wrong...i still remember that night when i finished a talk ,i going to slp...i think the time is around 12 something,and all dom hv 2 switch off the light b4 12am .Suddenly........all my dom frens wake up and sang the birthday song 2 me.....emi,kakak mariam,tirah bought me the flowers...it was so touch ....and that day is saturday,my parents were visit me on that day and my mum told me my sis bought me a cake,the cake very delicious !!!perhaps i have been so long din eat cake after go to the camp.

miss my NS frens much...however,now i had lost all their contact number..hope they can contact me soon...sigh...

P.S

*55*

i cant find it when i went to genting

anyway,thanks ya,jun

sista gimme a angpau,siok 2 receive money

another 2 is chan and sk gave 1

*the other pic will be post soon*

--THE END--

sista's new house

jz now me,mum,sis and naughty B went to

my sis's new house,

my sis is going to shift on next week,

so we went to take a look...

after her bf(will be husband soon) clean up their house,

finally we reach and hv a comfort environment

to let me take a rest...

and i had take some photo...

living room

kitchen...wei y u sit there?chao B :p

master room

my room..hehe

bathroom

u again???swt...

siao kia...nthg 2 play liao hor

me also start wu liao liao

mum too...hehe

--THE END--

happy 20th birthday

time's up...!!!

**happy birthday 2 me,happy birthday 2 me,

happy birthday 2 me..........

HAPPY BIRTHDAY 2 SHELLY.**

hahaha...

i so touch to receive wishes from all my friends...

although i not yet get bk my sim card ,

but i want to thank for those who had wish me through sms.

thanks guys!!!

jz now i receive his msg,

i felt very happy bcos he still remember my birthday

& he is the 1st to wish me.
this is a simply draw,but for me it full of meaning,

btw,i really very happy.

$$$ i need it

already 2 days...i pass without my mobile phone,

is really hard to my life without hp...

so miss IT! without it nothing i can do...

i hate the bastard!!!

AKU NAK SUMPAH DIA TIAP TIAP HARI!!!

im sure that he wont get away in some day...

now i need money $$$,

i want to earn more money in the coming days...

so many thing i need to buy,

i hv to hardworking to looking for the job d.

6 hours to go...my birthday is coming soon...

wish i can settle all my thing tomorrow

and get bk my sim card...

i gonna to celebrate my 20th birthday

& wish my dream can come true...

god give me a big present

today is my last exam paper...

in the early morning,i went to college..

before exam,

i full of confidence on it cos i had put my effort on that

and i believe i can make it.

is the time for exam, when i walk in to the CA ,

miss kee told me this time the paper very hard...

at that moment, i start struggle...scare...depressed..

when i look at the exam paper,only 3 words to describe,'jia lat liao'...

i really try my best to do for the best, i really hope i can pass it...

will it? who knows? only the god knows...

after finish exam, i went out from CA and wanna take my bag...

ei...where is my bag? i get shocked...

y my bag was disappear???...how come???

i keep on find and find and find,still cant find it...

my tears nearly drop down at that moment.

i asked the guard and the lecturers, they said they dono. WTF???

then what are them doing at there???

then i quickly call to my number, the sound came out,

'the number you have dial is not available please'...........(F***)

WALAO! this time really kena stole liao la...!!!

how come i will so sui siao eh?

this is the last day d, y wanna to stole my bag?????????????

SUI LANG!

my ic,atm card,debit card,RM250 cash, hp..............ALL GONE!

i really cant accept it !!! never think this kind of thing will happen on me,

never think tar student will stole my bag...never think...never think....

but this is real, this is because of idiot (me)! i cant blame anyone,this is my false...

dad,mum, sis scold me...they are right ! i am idiot !

i thought after exam can really take a good nap, manatau kena this happen.

no more holiday for me, 2mrw still need to go report to the police

and need to earn money faster and buy a new hp...

sad to lost my lovely hp,i miss it!..sob sob...

really is the 'big present' for my coming birthday!!!

a big lesson for me.

excited

after finish my EC test, finally can take a nap...

but i still hv 1 more paper to go...

*sigh*

however,i still need to work hard for my BS test,

cos this is the only paper that i worry for.

hope god bless me,

all the best to myself and all my classmate too...

after 2th of may,

i will start plan how to celebrate my birthday looo *55*..

hehe...

难忘的一天

tamadun test 终于过了， 我想这次我能达到自己所要的成绩了，读了那么久还算是不负我所望...今天是我非常非常累的一天，昨晚一点多才睡得着， 今早 4.30am 我就得起来继续读 india 那一part ，也就是我最懒惰读的一课..hehe...好爱睡喔。。

tamadun test 完后，我和我班的朋友就去医肚子...没想到last day还能和他们一大班人一起吃早餐， 说到这...突然感触就特别多。在那一刻我真的觉得很不舍，两年的时间就这样过去了..我想这两年来的回忆我永远都不会忘记的。我会想念他们， 也祝福他们...

吃完早餐后， 我，绿君，阿陈和康威就一起去pisa...在那边还遇到蛮多人的，尤其是我一个很久很久没见到的‘兄弟’，重逢的感觉还蛮好的..逛了很久，发现到很多很cool 的东西。而我们今天‘收获’还真不少..尤其是阿陈uncle..哈哈。

我们整整逛了四小时， 那时大家也‘软’了下来，才肯回家...今天过得还蛮开心的，不过开心的日子真的很短，希望日后我们会有机会再聚在一起吧。

下星期开始考试了，朋友，我们一起加油吧！希望我们都能一起顺利过关，一起毕业。good luck, guys...

《我的回忆不是我的》

最近在朋友车上听了这首歌，越听越发现爱上了这首歌《我的回忆不是我的》。。。
歌词没有太大的意义。。。哈哈。。。如果你们有空不妨去听一听吧。
歌词：
伤心的总会任性
灰心的总会用气力
将最好的过去 将最多的细碎
锁到属于你的眼睛
失恋的不够耐性
失恋的不信是注定
于最黑的世界 于最光的刹那
感到属于你的气息
即使很多一起过的
想起的通通你的
为着是浪漫的爱情
通通都可再见
但承诺可再听
什么可不变色
Oh baby
当晚与你记住蒲公英
今晚偏偏想起风的清劲
回忆不再受制于我 我承认
回忆也许你的
当晚与你记住流水声
今晚站在大地自己倾听
难道送别你 回头总是虔诚
谁能怪我 总是太感性
失恋的都有惰性
失恋的都记住约定
当理想的世界 当理想的刹那
因爱 无分你的我的

everything will be OK

finally i can take a good rest d...this week i was really so stress and tired with my college assignment and EC mid-test...yesterday,after finish the test,i went home and watch my movie until i slp..haha...seem like such a long time never slp until so sweet d, that feeling really so good.however,next week still need to passup EC assignment and tamadun 2nd test is coming soon...sigh..yesterday my 2nd sis brought her wedding photo bk and let us admire her photo. when i saw her pic, my 1st response is 'wau...the wedding photo is so nice,never think that my sis can take such beautiful photo leh,yet her husband...erm...got a bit fat leh..haha.' sis's wedding is coming soon, wish her can be a sweet wife after start her new life.

突然，累了。。。

妈，我真的很累了。。。我真不明白爸那牛脾气为什么还是一样，那么坏。。为什么一家人总是不能好好的？为什么他总是要把事情弄得越来越糟呢？即使是再好的脾气，我们还是会有脾气的，我们不是你的出气筒，想要骂就骂！有时，我真的很不懂只是为了一点点的小事，他老是小事化大，一点点就出口乱骂，不难听的话他都不会说出口！我真得很恨人家骂粗话！刚才姐终于忍不住了，跑了出去。。。不知道姐现在在哪里？？？！！姐，刚刚我真的很想叫你带我一起走，因为我也忍不下去了！看见妈妈，我真的很心疼，但我真的无能为力。。。在那一刻我真的很想去吉隆坡读书，不过当我冷静下来时，我想了想，如果我到吉隆坡去读书家里就只有剩下妈和他了，因为再过几个月二姐就要嫁了，到时三姐也要搬去二姐那儿住。。。每当他心情不好发脾气时，我终是很害怕，我颤抖，有时就连他走过我身旁，我都会怕他会不会动手打我。有时看见他骂妈妈，甚至还说要打妈妈，看见妈妈的眼泪，我的心真的很疼，真的很恨他！！！。。每次我都告诉自己，为了妈妈，我不容许自己在妈妈面前哭，而冲凉房就是我唯一可以哭的地方。。。现在外面下着大雨，老天是否也知道我的痛？眼泪也开始失控地流出来了。。。心真的很痛很痛。。。妈妈，爸几时才能改掉他那牛脾气？你是否还能继续忍下去？我希望以后如果我有能力，我一定会带你一起走，不用再受他的气，给他尝试一下家人一个又一个离开他的滋味！

''ka yao'',my friends..

朋友，我很懂你们现在的心情，表面上若无其事，不过在背后流过的眼泪其他人根本不懂。。。看见你们，就如看回从前的我，你们的痛，我都懂。。。我还记得以前我有一个好朋友对我说过，‘坚强吧朋友，他只不过是你人生的一个过路人，既然他选择放弃你，你再挽留答案最终还是一样，与其这样为何你还要一直埋怨自己呢？醒醒吧，你应该把最美好的回忆放在心里，好好地过你的生活，就把它当作自己上了宝贵的一堂课.'
So,frens,i hope urs can wake up from the darkness life and continue urs life...JIA YOU!

a darkness day in my life again

result was out..my frens asked me,how was the result? i feel so shameful with myself,i dont even know how to answer them...i had failed BS!!!i cant make it,why?why?i blame myself!!!i make myself,my mum,my sis disappointed again,it was really hurt,im sorry.already 12 hours ago,and i still moody...i had regret,yet it is useless.this sem is the last sem,and i have no time,this is real! i pray 2 the god, i wish to graduate with all my frens, and i had made the promise with myself,i will put a lot of effort in this sem and also in my future.

genting trip

星期二我和丽，芳，辰一起到云顶去玩。。真的很开心，因为我们很久都没有四个人聚在一起了。由于芳需帮忙父母，所以通常都很难配合到和我们三个一起出去。星期二晚上我们出发，我和芳坐在一起，丽和辰就一起坐。。一路上我和芳话多得谈不完，谈着谈着，不知不觉也到了云顶。那晚是我有史以来整晚没睡过的一晚。哈哈。。我们大概四点左右到了那边，房间须等到一点才有得check in，那时后的我才觉得累，开始爱睡了。。。由于没有房间，我们被逼到处走走，坐坐，虽然大家都爱睡了，但还是睡不着。很开心，终于等到天亮了，我们迫不及待地去买了票然后就去玩。玩了大半天，大家也累了，所以回房休息后再继续。。哈哈。。。晚上没事做，我们四个就在房间玩[cho tai tee]，连平时很少会玩牌的芳也开始和我们玩。（真难得）这样就过了一天。

第二天一早我们就到outdoor玩，那一天玩的都是刺激的，超好玩。大概玩到六点多左右，我们就去买东西回房间‘医’肚子。。那一晚我们就没再出去了，就待在房间，没东西做，当然又再玩牌啦。。。那一晚我们四个真‘烂赌’，玩到大概四点多左右才愿意睡。隔天早上原本打算十点醒的，真么知个个都睡不醒。。梳洗过后我们只有一个小时多去买东西，过后就得上巴士回了。。。离开云顶的那一刻，真的很不舍得。。不舍得的是我的朋友，因为再多几个月我们就得分散了，恐怕以后很难再能聚在一起了。

以前的我都不会去珍惜我身边的朋友，但现在的我已慢慢开始珍惜我身边的一切，我的家人，朋友。。。我希望以后我们四个的友情依旧不变，友谊永固。

hope she will change her mind

just now i had receive my friend's calls,she told me that she still cant forget the boy...she was suffer,she ask me what she can do...i had advised her one week d,and i know no wonder how i advise her,she wont hear at me ,cos she is pain and she dont hope to put it down...
i agree with her that love a people is not easy to put down,and i also understand her feeling...however, i cant let her find bk that bastard boy cos he has been cheat my friend again and again. i really dont hope my friend get hurt anymore.now,what can i do is i hope my friend can think bk what i had said to her and change her mind to make a good decision,that's all i can do.

LOVE is not everything

recently i had found that my friends they are faced the same problem,and that is "LOVE"..
they are sad because of LOVE, and i had try my best to give them advice...maybe it wont work i guess..

act what is LOVE?i think not everyone can truely understand what is love..
for me,LOVE is just a part of our life.sometime LOVE is so fierce,it can bring us hurt,sad,suffer....however,for me a truth LOVE is not like this.

i know sometime we will feel hurt and sad when facing the LOVE problem,but we cant because of this and often depressed.we should think the positive way to solve it or maybe accept it,sometime we need time i guess...

as a friend,my responsible is try to make yours happy as possible as i can,i really dont hope that my friends continue suffer all the time.i just want to tell yours,LOVE can end anytime ,yet truth FRIENDSHIP will not be end.So,be strong my friends,you just need time,try to accept it and forget all the sadness k...i believe that you can make it.